And the winner is (not)...

Like many of you, my comrades, I waited patiently in anticipation for the release of Bud Light Golden Wheat on October 5, 2009. With the wide success of craft witbiers across the country, Budweiser was all like, we can do that too.

So, I bought myself a six-pack at the beginning of the week to hopefully be amazed. I was looking for the full citrus-laced taste of Blue Moon, the spiced smooth aftermath of Hoegaarden, yet with increased *ahem* drinkability brought by the Bud Light. I hate to use that word, but it's true. Last winter break, along with my buddies Rico and Ryan, I drank about 14 Blue Moons in three hours. Bad idea. The coriander singed my tastebuds for weeks, and the unfiltered wheat fermented in my belly, giving me more gas than Nolan on hot dog night. Simply, witbiers are very tasty, but I can't drink too many of them.

Unveil the Bud Light Golden Wheat (BLGW)!

To my disappointment, BLGW is unabashedly boring. It is basically Bud Light with some spices and a faux-orange taste. It sits on the taint between a light beer and a wheat beer, while denying each of their respective greatness. It is definitely more drinkable, and it is definitely witbier-esque, but not enough of either. While it does not elicit the response of Famous Grouse (insta-puke), it invokes the emotions of watching Nolan work through a math problem: everybody knows what the answer should be, but he can not produce a viable final product.

I had lofty goals, but was indeed let down. This is not the first time. Recall last fall, when we were all duped into buying copious amounts of American Ale. Then, too, I was let down by Budweiser's imitation of a craft beer.

Advice to Budweiser

• Budweiser, Bud Light and Bud Select are all good products. Don't let Inbev bully you into being something that you are not (American Ale, Bud Light Lime, Golden Wheat). Stick to the basics.
• You perfected viral advertising, before that was even a term! Budweiser Frogs, Whasssssup ads and the like were the cornerstone of your company. At least put a good advertising campaign behind your new beer. The 80's called. They want that totally awesome logo back.

RATING: 6/10

Have you tried it? Leave a comment.

KC

Wednesday Recap

What's up V-Raps?

It's been a few months, but it's time to get the Wednesday Recap back out there. A few things to note:

1. Still no peeing in the showers, right guys? 

2. Jim, congratulations. The one year of probation that you were sentenced to last September for truancy is officially over. I'm not sure you were aware you were on probation, but you made it through. Full privileges reinstated. 

3. Kris, check with Mandi to see if you are allowed to hang the pictures of The Velociraptor Guild (tentative name) in your apartment. If she vetoes you, tell her you will arrange the 19 decorative throw pillows on your bed every morning for the next month. If she still says no, I will send them to Patrick and Phil.

4. Has anybody seen the Heath? Did anybody take it home with them? There was some iffy stuff written down in there, probably shouldn't be out on the loose. 

5. How the hell did we get Gameday? Are you guys going to be there? Any good sign ideas yet? All I can think of is "Erin Shows Perfect Nudity"

6. Bud Light Golden Wheat is coming out Oct. 5. Everybody try a few dozen and let's compare notes. 

7. Speaking of comparing notes, Flash Forward started up last week. Patrick I know you watched. Pretty badass, right?

8. Still on for UVA? Are we paratrooping or is Bootsy going to find us a hotel room?

9. Orkney Ball 3.0. 7 months from tonight. Let's make it happen. 

Inspiring quotes of the week, both from Gene Simmons:

"Life is too short to have anything but delusional notions about yourself."

AND

"When you really think about it, I'm not delusional enough to think that what I do is important to life as we know it on this planet. No. But neither is what you do."

Rock on, Demon.

-Brett

Blog Mascot?

New species of rat discovered behind Orkney Road in Brighton, MA.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/09/07/giant.rat.papua/index.html

Back in Business

After a year of furious behind the scenes work, the preparations are finished and theOrkBlog is back in business for good. Strap yourselves in. 

Chickenscratch

I really feel sad right now. Wa Wa Wa. 

This is an example of what our blog is not going to be. 

First rule: no promises. Our blog promises to feed the masses their daily dose of the Orkney high life. 

Second rule: no more rules. 

This blog rules. 

Brett and Kris.